


Back to Reality

by marmolady



Series: Rourke Ending [2]
Category: Endless Summer (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 03:56:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18984772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marmolady/pseuds/marmolady
Summary: Post-ending (Rourke ending). Set after my previous Rourke ending fics, but probably easy enough to follow without reading them first. Taylor and Estela have found one another in this changed world, but dealing with the bonds lost might still be too much to bear.





	Back to Reality

Light slowly trickled through the blinds. Adjusting to a new day, Taylor watched Estela twitching in her sleep. It had been a couple of nights now, and their cohabitation looked to be permanent. At least she hoped so. The room felt cramped, but Taylor didn’t know if she could go back to the cold empty feeling of sleeping without Estela’s heartbeat against her body. She reached out, her fingertips running up and down an exquisitely toned arm until the fretful jerking calmed.

“I’m here, lover. Right here.”

To see her lover peaceful, there was nothing that could more effectively ease Taylor’s worries. Nothing could feel quite so daunting if they were facing it side-by-side, and if she could do anything at all to soothe Estela through this traumatic period of transition, she’d put her heart into it without question. Taylor turned so that her face was buried against Estela’s chest… blissfully comfortable.

Diego’s alarm rang and he groaned. After the New Year’s long weekend, it was just another day in an incomprehensible reality. A world oblivious to all that had transpired to bring it to being. Classes, assignments, exams…

“Coffee all round, right?” he asked, though there was no real need. A morning caffeine hit went without saying.

Estela stirred reluctantly, her eyelids heavy. Her sleep was still fitful, but feeling Taylor pressed up against her through the night helped. She blinked slowly awake, and the first thing she took in was those sapphire eyes regarding her with clear affection. Estela huffed and offered a sleepy smile which vanished as the blankets were pulled back.

“Jeez, it’s cold…”

Taylor laughed and rubbed Estela’s back. “Really not your climate, hey? Don’t worry… I’ll keep you warm.”

Even as Estela rolled her eyes, she couldn’t stop the smile from returning to her face. The sooner she got up and faced the day, the sooner she could spend it taking back her happiness… with Taylor’s help.

Zahra was already up and about in the kitchen. She barely offered her housemates a glance as they emerged.

“Morning, Zahra,” greeted Taylor, friendly as always. She couldn’t lose hope that sometime soon, the barriers between them would shift.

Grunting into her coffee, Zahra shrugged. “Morning, Taylor.” She glanced over the others with a frown. “You know I only signed up to share with one of you, right? I feel like you people should be paying me compensation. For like, the  _Lord of the Rings_ marathons and all that shit.”

Taylor caught Diego’s eye and he choked on his orange juice. He’d certainly made himself right at home; apparently Zahra had noticed far more than her silence, locked away in her room, might have led them to believe.

“You’ve met Estela properly, right?” Taylor asked. She and Zahra were like ships in the night, and Estela had made a point of keeping out of her way, unsure of what was, to be honest, a pretty bizarre social scenario.

Again, Zahra shrugged, but she looked up and made eye contact with Estela. The gaze lingered, neither woman blinking. It was almost a stand-off.

“Zahra,” was all Estela said, as she considered what should have been a friend. In that glare, though, was a quiet threat… less confident than Zahra would admit to, and of course that was because she knew the person who looked back was not one to be trifled with. Estela was certain she saw recognition. It wasn’t like the usual nervous stares she encountered; there was something ticking over beneath the surface. She’d never been especially close to Zahra, but their friendship had nonetheless been real… and after all they’d been through together…

“Taylor, do all your girlfriends look like they’re gonna murder me in my sleep? Or just the ones you keep in our apartment?”

“ _Zahra!”_

Estela’s frown deepened, but she wasn’t about to take the bait. The challenging gaze lingered for a moment longer, then Zahra looked away, got to her feet, and retreated to her room, glowering.

Diego gave Taylor a nudge with his elbow and whispered to her. “The tension between those two is insane! You know, I think there could almost be a spark there… like, in another life, where Estela’s not in love with you…”

Pulled from what was almost a trance, Estela snorted. “That’s ridiculous. You just have an over-active gaydar.” She turned to watch Zahra’s door. The deception would not work on her; Zahra knew  _exactly_ who she was, it was just a case of getting her to admit to it. There was so little that Estela felt able to do in this hellish situation, but she was suddenly determined that she’d get a hold of Zahra.

Taylor was hissing at Diego, her expression somewhat indignant. “There’s  _no way_  they’d have ever worked as a couple! The two of them together would be like… like Armageddon. The world would implode from the sheer badassery of the union. One apocalypse is enough,  _thank you!_ ”

Laughing at the fact that he’d clearly gotten under his buddy’s skin, Diego went to finish getting ready for his first class.

“She remembers,” said Estela quietly.

Taylor groaned. “I know. It’s been driving me insane! She won’t admit to any of it.” She swirled her coffee thoughtfully. “You know what’s weird… her timeline’s been altered too. Zahra and Craig were friends by now, and he shouldn’t even be playing football yet. Whatever should have happened between them before La Huerta, I don’t think it will.”

Estela looked at her, mind whirring. “That’s interesting. It’s as if Rourke was trying to remove links within the group, but it doesn’t make sense. Craig is friends with Sean now, before he should be. With Michelle and Raj that’s four of them that have stayed together. Unless Rourke’s ploy was to emphasise social divides between us and further isolate the outcasts.” Noticing that Taylor was giving her an odd smile, her gaze became quizzical. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“It’s just… it really has all come back to you.”

“You’re not the kind of person who’s easy to forget. Not forever. Everything else just came with it.”

They joined hands and shared a kiss. Each time they did so felt like a small victory; they would  _not_ be separated by Rourke’s manipulation of the world. Their love was a crack in the façade of his creation, which would join with other fractures until they pulled it apart from underneath him. But it was no fool they were dealing with; somewhere in an ivory tower, Rourke could be watching from afar. Her instincts, though, told Taylor that in his arrogance, he’d assumed the Catalysts -their memories of La Huerta wiped- were dealt with, finished. He underestimated what he couldn’t understand, the bonds he’d never felt.

Estela leaned her forehead against her lover’s, and exhaled her frustration. This was a long game, but they were going to win it. She’d keep her mind disciplined, separating true reality from the existence that Rourke had fashioned for her. It meant near total rejection of this reality, for it was a lie, the creation of a maniac, a snake, a creature of the deepest evil. Rourke did  _not_ get to decide what her life was. As long as Taylor was there with her, she’d be strong enough to train herself, to take back her own mind. What she couldn’t control, though, were the minds of her friends.

“Hey,” Taylor reassured, “we’ve got this.” She took Estela’s face in her hands and felt affection blossom up within her. “You and me against the world? The world doesn’t stand a chance.”                                                  

A long silence, lost in a shared gaze, and then…

“I love you, Taylor.”

Those words filled Taylor with happiness, deep and coloured with the scars of sorrow. The months of despair, of longing… it had taken her love and made it overwhelming. To hear those words again, it was enough to make her heart and soul soar. The edges of her eyes crinkled with her smile.

“I love you too. My Estela. I would have waited for you forever if that was what it took.”

Estela pulled her into a tight embrace, curling fingers in her golden hair, pressing against her with an intensity that near winded the both of them. Far more than anything else in this lifetime, it was Taylor’s arms that felt like home. She grieved the time she was beyond their reach.

“I know.” She kissed her temple slowly, taking in the scent of her hair. “I’m here now. I swear I’ll always be yours,  _amor bella_.”

“ _Get a room!”_ Diego teased, coming back into the lounge with his arms full of books.

Taylor stuck out her tongue. “I would, but there’s this really sweet little nerd that’s taken up residence in there… kinda makes it awkward.”

In an instant, Diego’s face fell. “Ohmygod! Am I getting in the way? Taylor, I know you’re trying so hard to be a good friend, but you have your needs- you’ve gotta go get some, girl! I can sleep on the couch if you need some space…”

“You’re such a dork,” she giggled. “If we need space, I’ll let you know.”

“Phew! You had me worried for a moment. Now, move it, lovebirds- we’re gonna be late!”

As Diego hurried out the door, Taylor looked to see an expression of bemused bafflement on Estela’s face.

“What’s up?”

“He is  _disturbingly_  invested in your sex life.”

Through her laughter, Taylor clumsily kissed Estela’s cheek. “Don’t complain, if he wasn’t so over-zealous, I’d probably still be working up the courage to invite you to my room. I’m pretty sure Diego knew I was crushing on you even before I did. Anyway, he’s a romantic. If seeing us happy together helps him stay positive, even when he’s so cut up about Varyyn, it’s fine with me.”

With a roll of her eyes, Estela made to gather her books. “Whatever keeps him happy. He’s right, though, you’re gonna miss your lecture if you don’t move your ass.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Coming out of a class, Estela’s eye was caught by the hauntingly familiar figure of Quinn amongst the crowd. An elusive figure, the only of her friends who had until that point slipped by Estela’s radar. Unsure of herself, she nonetheless followed Quinn at speed.

“Quinn!”

When the slight young woman turned around, her frailty was obvious and alarming. This wasn’t the face that Estela remembered, bright and vibrant… the eyes were hooded, skin sallow. She felt her heart plummet as the stark reality dawned.

“… _Quinn_ …”

Quinn’s tired eyes wandered over Estela’s face with confusion. Did she know this person from somewhere? Such a striking face… surely one that would have stuck in her mind. “I’m sorry… I’ve not been around much, it’s hard to remember names. Are we in a class together?”

“Um… I’m a friend. Estela.”

“Estela? That’s pretty.” Quinn made to smile but started coughing; hacking, painful. “Sorry… I…” She doubled over, unable to stop. A tentative hand rubbed her back. When she looked up, trembling, after a long fit, the dark eyes that gazed back were soft with concern. Quinn’s lips curved into a smile, even through the pain that lingered. “Talking too much makes it worse,” she said apologetically.

“I…I won’t bother you, then,” Estela said, trying to cover up her shock. “Is that your only class? I can help you with your books.”

Quinn’s whole body shook. “My mom’s coming-“

“I’ll help you to the carpark, yeah?”

 _-kff-_ “Thank you.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Raj! My man! I heard it through the grapevine that you’ve got a pretty sweet shindig lined up for the weekend.”

Taken by surprise, Raj fumbled a little with the joint in his hand before seeing that the person who’d snuck up on him was Taylor, Diego hanging around awkwardly behind her. “Aw, it’s you! Do you wanna come along? We always love our Crazy Taylor stories. You’re a riot, man.”

Taylor winced inwardly. That Raj, Craig and Sean did not actively rebuff her advances like Michelle did was appreciated, but to them she was a joke. The friendly local kook with wild tales that she actually seemed to believe. She had to keep trying to reach them, though; she could never give up.

“You got me. Yeah, fishing for invites. Shameless, I know.”

Sean and Michelle approached, having left the lecture theatre together. They were never far apart. Sean offered Taylor a polite nod, which was enough to stir Michelle’s jealousy.

“You again?” she snapped. “Don’t think I can’t see right through that pathetic nutjob routine! You’ve been panting after Sean like some sort of cheap whore from the minute he made the team-“

Sean cut across her, his tone remarkably calm. “Easy there! Taylor wasn’t even talking to me. You were just asking Raj about the party, right?”

Michelle seethed, glaring Taylor down, while Diego nervously backed away.

Taylor was shaken, but remained composed. She didn’t know if she could ever get used to being treated by her friends as though she was a threat, a joke, a stranger. Then Estela approached, meeting her as they’d arranged. That strong presence… it never failed to give her courage.

“Yeah, I was just checking in with Raj. Thought it might be fun,” she glanced back to her companions and her heart skipped a beat as she noticed Estela’s bloodied knuckles and red, puffy eyes. Something was wrong. “There’s no reason to get your knickers in a twist, Michelle; I’m already attached.”

Michelle’s glare faltered for a split second, and she looked beyond Taylor to see Estela watching intently.

“So, you and ‘plus two’ then?” Raj asked cheerfully. “You’ve gotta come! Always great for a laugh, our Crazy Taylor…”

“You  _cannot_ be serious!” Michelle hissed. Her contemptuous eyes were trained on Estela, who glared defensively over Taylor’s shoulder. “We can’t let that freak into Kappa house! Half the girls are convinced she killed her last roommate, and I’m pretty sure they’re on to something…”

_-Slap!-_

With a high-pitched gasp, she staggered backwards in shock, clutching her cheek.

“ _Taylor!”_

_“Woah, man, not cool…”_

Michelle recovered quickly and backhanded Taylor hard, reaching for her hair and pulling as she yelped. “You psycho bitch!”

Sean moved to pull the women apart, but Estela got there first, effortlessly yanking Michelle’s grasp loose and holding her up by her collar. Her breath was a furious rattle as she shielded Taylor with her body. The intensity of her glare was enough to silence Michelle, and make Sean falter.

Diego whimpered, hands at his face. “ _Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god…”_

“Don’t you  _ever_ touch her.” Estela’s voice crackled with rage.

“Maybe we all need to calm down…” Sean put his hands up, nervous. Taylor had always been a bit weird… harmless weird. But Estela looked to be something else. A loose cannon… unhinged.

Estela roughly shoved Michelle into Sean’s arms, and turned to Taylor, whose eyes were wet with angry tears.

Taylor reached out to both her friends at once. “We should get out of here.”

“I should report you!” Michelle spat as the trio walked away, hand in hand. “You come near us again, I swear to god I will have you and your maniac girlfriend kicked out of this school!”

A safe distance away, Taylor collapsed against a tree and cried piteously, her shoulders heaving. It was all gone. Lost forever. She felt Diego wrap her up in a hug, and she sobbed into his chest.

“How can everything have gone so wrong?” she hiccoughed.

Estela rubbed her wife’s back, wishing she could do a damn thing to placate her. She could barely placate herself. It felt as though there was something inside her on the verge of snapping. Accepting the reality of where they’d come from meant accepting the full realisation of everything that had been lost, and it had just been laid out stark and brutal. She leant in and kissed Taylor’s cold cheek, and let Diego pull her into the hug.

“We just can’t give up. You reached me. You reached Diego. Somewhere inside them, they know.”

It had not been so long ago that Taylor had felt hopeful, more hopeful than she had since they’d taken this wretched path. The breakthrough with Estela had left her feeling indomitable; it had been too easy to let blind optimism take hold. But the venom in which Michelle had regarded them… regarded  _Estela,_ whom she’d once said she thought of as a sister… it cut Taylor to her core.

Diego pressed a kiss to the top of his best friend’s head. “She’s right. I mean, we  _may_ have just set progress back a little, but it’ll come to them. Don’t forget; they need us as much as we need them. Michelle always said we were the only real friends she ever had… I bet she’s not  _really_ happy how things are.”

“Of course, she’s not happy; the local nutter just went and smacked her around the face!”

“Eh,” he said with a shrug, “maybe it gave her something to think on. Kinda had it coming. And they’ll be thinking about us for sure now- that’s what we want!”

Estela shook her head, incredulous. “Yes. I’m sure being on the brink of being slapped with a restraining order is good news. That’s something we can work with.” She sighed heavily. She’d had about enough of being helpless. It was time for action. “You’ve gotta get to your next class.”

Taylor groaned.

“You said it; this will take time. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Let them see your face. It’s gonna happen.” Estela wasn’t sure she believed it herself, but she couldn’t bear to see Taylor fall into despair. They would never give up, even if the task ahead of them was as impossible as it felt. “Go.”

“…But are you okay?”

Estela stroked Taylor’s cheek tenderly, and saw her eyes glance over the grazes on her fingers. “I’ll live. I’m used to people talking about me like that.” She gathered up her books, brushing away the snow. “I’ll see you when you’re finished,  _hermosa_.”

Parting from her friends, Taylor suddenly felt deeply lonely.

“… Bye…”

 

 

* * *

 

The voice that rang through the lecture theatre just seemed to bounce off Taylor as she sat, fidgeting in the back row. It was near impossible to concentrate. The look on Michelle’s face was seared into Taylor’s mind; she’d faced rejection before, but that had been  _brutal._ Perhaps she could have put on a brave face and shrugged it off, but the cruelty towards Estela had been more than she could take. It was almost a relief when her phone lit up, and she had an excuse to be distracted from her biology lecture. A message from Diego.

‘Got a situation here. Need you at the apartment now.’

_That’s not good._

Taylor bundled her belongings into her bag, slipped out of the theatre, and made a run for it. After the day she’d had, she wasn’t sure how she’d deal with more drama. She was gasping for breath when she reached her front door, and a rather panicked Diego.

“Wait- are you locked out?” she panted. “You didn’t just make me run all the way here because you lost your key…”

“Someone’s barricaded the door,” he explained. “Estela’s in there with Zahra, and judging by the yelling, something’s gone down.”

“Jesus, what’s she doing?” Taylor hammered at the door with her fist. “Estela!It’s me- let me in!” She put her ear to the door and listened, catching only muffled voices. Voices that were definitely raised and angry.  _“Estela!”_

After what felt like an age, the door creaked open, just an inch.

“Please tell me what’s going on…”

Estela’s eye appeared at the gap. “It’s fine. I’m talking to Zahra.” She glanced over her shoulder, and opened the door further, allowing Taylor in.

Taylor immediately noticed that Estela had hold of Zahra’s high-tech tablet… and a knife.  _Holy crap._ She looked up, and spotted her housemate standing alert in the kitchen- and holding her own weapon.

“I told you she was a maniac-“ Zahra’s voice wavered, lacking the forceful aggression Taylor had anticipated.

“Wh-what’s going on?”

“She’s been lying to you, Taylor,” Estela snarled. “You know it. She admitted it.”

Taylor’s eyes grew wide. “Wait? What? Zahra…”

Zahra scoffed, but avoided eye contact. “Your girlfriend was about to smash up several grand’s worth of hardware. ‘Course I’ll tell her what she wants to hear.”

The resolve in Estela’s expression didn’t shift. Without looking away, she flexed the tablet with both hands. “I could snap this in two without blinking. You know I’d do it.”

“Huh,” said Zahra. “I know this ‘friends’ thing is a new concept on you, but you need to lay off the threats.”

Estela frowned, suddenly appearing very unsure. Tentatively, with a fleeting glance to Taylor, she carefully put the knife down on the bench, and then the tablet. “So you know me? We’re friends.”

“Zahra?” Taylor reached out a hand.  _Please._ “I know you could hold out on us forever if you wanted to, but give us this one.”

The tension was broken by Diego scuttling through the door. To his great relief, the storm seemed to have blown itself out. “…Hey, guys…”

Having pocketed her own knife, Zahra retrieved her tablet, and slumped back into the couch with an almighty groan. “Taylor, you’re a stubborn pain in the ass. You couldn’t just let it go? This was what you wanted, wasn’t it? No more apocalypse.”

It was a most bizarre mixture of relief and disappointment. Taylor momentarily was lost for words. Had Zahra not missed them at all? Sure, she’d never been the most openly affectionate of the gang, but their friendship had been real. “I… I don’t understand. Everything we’ve been through. We can still come back together… finish this. What about Jake? Quinn? The Vaanti? Hell, what about just fucking sticking it to the man?”

Diego approached cautiously. “Or, I dunno. Maybe it might be a nice to change to have someone to talk to… or get hammered with.”

Zahra winced. Estela sat down next to her and awkwardly tried to hug her.

“God, this is painful!” Zahra cried. “How the hell do you expect to bring everyone together when  _we’re_ your current recruits.” She waved a hand over Estela and Diego. “Not exactly Hartfeld’s social influencers. You couldn’t have focused your efforts on Sean or Michelle? I mean, come on, were you _that_ desperate to get back in Estela’s pants?”

Estela retracted her attempted hug, cheeks flushing, but Taylor laughed.

“Welcome back, Z. We’ve missed you.”

At the use of the nickname, Zahra blanched. She stood up, clearly uneasy. “I’m hitting the coffee shop. Don’t follow me. Don’t touch my stuff. Don’t go in my room.” She paused, her expression softening, just a little. “If I’m real with you, that doesn’t mean I’m about to start wandering around Hartfeld trying to make friends and wearing shirt that says ‘Taylor’s not a whackjob’.”

“That’s fair,” said Taylor calmly. “But…  _we’re_ friends. Right?” She wasn’t sure she’d ever seen anyone roll their eyes so exaggeratedly in all her life as Zahra did as she stalked off. But she was certain that she’d caught a smile.   _What,_ she wondered,  _just happened?_

“So, uh… that’s one down,” Diego said, unable to suppress a grin. “Maybe we should sic Estela on all of them!”

There was an awkward silence as Taylor tried to make eye contact with her wife, who had a hand to her head as if in pain. It wasn’t like Estela to go barrelling in without thought; she was too smart for that. Whether it was about the blow-up earlier or something else, she wasn’t all right. “Diego, you don’t mind…?”

He got the message quickly, giving the two women the apartment to themselves. The moment the door closed behind him, Estela fell into Taylor’s arms.

“Jeez, Estela, what happened?”

“I’m not gonna apologise. She’d been lying to you for too long.”

Taylor bit her lip. “Okay. “And, uh… I guess I should thank you… but that could have blown up in our faces. Badly.”

“I knew exactly what I was doing.”

“Love, you’re barely coping with this yourself…”

A fierce glare silenced Taylor. She let out a deep breath, and stroked Estela’s arm gently. “I’m sorry. That… wasn’t fair.”

“It’s true though,” said Estela bitterly. “Sometimes it feels like I’m suffocating under all the memories. I don’t know which parts of me are real half the time.”

“You’ve been incredible,” Taylor murmured. “You always have.” She reached for her lover’s face, caressing, fondling with desperate tenderness. “This is so fragile, though, ‘Stel; if Zahra had freaked and reported you… I can’t lose you. Not again.”

Estela met Taylor’s fingers with her lips and covered them with soft kisses. “You won’t ever lose me again… Come for a walk with me? I need some air.”

“Okay. Just give me a moment to wrap up. And, so you know, you can’t just brush this off so easily. We’re gonna talk.”

They emerged out into the cold. Taylor reached out a hand, and her heart ached at the sight of those grazed knuckles.

“Maybe we should get you a punching bag… I can’t stand seeing you hurt yourself.”

“Maybe we should take that bastard and subject him to a painful and lingering death.”

Estela shook with fury the second Quinn crossed her mind again. It had been after that encounter that she’d slammed her fists against a tree as emotion had overwhelmed her. That  _monster._ Rourke had promised she’d be cured. Of course it had been lies. Hadn’t she fucking told them that he was capable of nothing else?

Taylor wrapped herself around Estela, and the tension seemed to flow into her own body. Without words, she fished deeper.

“Quinn. I ran into Quinn.”

That, Taylor thought, would have done it. Of all the lies Rourke had told, surely none were crueller, and it brought up in herself a white-hot rage. That Estela had responded so strongly was hardly a surprise. She exhaled heavily.

“I haven’t seen her in weeks. She said she was getting the experimental treatment. I guess it’s a… a long process.”

“But it’s not going to work,” Estela snarled. “She went along with Rourke’s bullshit because she wanted to see the world. She wanted to  _live._ And he’s fucking killing her.” Tears welled up in her eyes and her voice cracked. “He’s killing her…”

Taylor held on tighter. That seething hatred was justified.  She felt it herself. “We won’t let him. Whatever it takes, we won’t let that happen.”

Estela extracted herself from the hug and led Taylor onwards through the snowy quad.

“ _That’s_  why I had to do something _._ Something that would actually make a damn difference.I couldn’t face going back and seeing Zahra, just knowing that she was lying to us. This is hard enough without pretending like it’s not happening.”

“I… understand. I just wish you’d talked to me first before jumping in and doing something drastic.” Taylor ran her thumb over Estela’s hand, and looked up at her, eyes mournful. She saw the same sadness reflected in the eyes that gazed back. One traumatic encounter after another… it made everything the twelve of them had encountered on La Huerta  _feel_ like some impossible dream. Taylor would have done just about anything to have those bonds rekindled. Barbed words haunted her, words spoken out of fear. The way Michelle had looked at Estela, it had been agonising to behold. Her beautiful Estela…

“I’m so sorry about what happened earlier. With Michelle.”

A tear rolled down Estela’s cheek as she looked away. She sat down on the bench and stared into space, watching the snowfall, soft and fluffy. Had it not been for that meeting, she might not have been spurred so single-mindedly into forcing the matter with Zahra. But, oh, how it had hurt.

“It’s how it is, Taylor. You’re not like other people. But everyone else… my friendship has value only as long as they can get something in return. No one’s fearing for their lives, they don’t need to rely on the scary loner to protect them.”

Harsh as those words were to hear, Taylor couldn’t deny the truth in them. It was painful to accept. How hard it had been for Estela to let her friends in, to love them in return… and now they didn’t want to know. Worse, they looked at her as though she was some disease that could infect them if they got too close. Taylor sat down and put her head on Estela’s shoulder, snuggling close- almost in her lap in her desperation to be near. She wiped tears from both their cheeks.

“It’s stupid…” Estela said, “before all these memories came back, I didn’t even know I was lonely.”

Taylor was certain she felt her heart breaking. Not knowing what to say, she tenderly kissed her wife’s cheek. She was gonna destroy Rourke for this. For everything.

“Estela… I’m so sorry. I thought… I thought if the world survived, if  _we_ survived, we’d buy some time, we could fix everything. I didn’t imagine it would be this hard. Can you forgive me?”

Estela took Taylor’s face in her hands- imagining that the gesture would be rather more comforting were they not so cold- and kissed the tip of her nose. The sheer relief of their reunion had given little time to dwell on decisions made. “I already have. My head’s been all over the place; I’d be too confused to hold a grudge against you if I wanted to. You were stupidly naïve, and I wish it had been different, but… we’re in this together. I know you were only trying to save us all.” Her voice became soft, just a whisper over the snowy evening. “And, well, I love you.”

Tears squeezing from her eyes, Taylor returned the kiss, and hugged Estela tight to her chest.

“I love you too. We’re gonna fix this goddamn mess. You and me.”

They sat united in quiet solidarity, warmed by one another’s breath as their faces rested an inch apart. This new world felt almost unfathomably bleak. Bleak except for those few sparks that had been reignited. In Diego… in Zahra… in one another. Soft nuzzles became kisses, which grew deeper, fiercer. Taylor found herself melting into Estela’s fiery touch, eased down until she was lying along the bench, the length of her body sheltered from the snow by an embrace both passionate and tender.

“… Hey…” Estela whispered, “I think I’ll have icicles growing on me if I stay out here much longer… do you wanna go back to the room and warm up?”

Taylor leaned a little closer so that their foreheads touched. “Yes, please. After the day I’ve had, I am most definitely ready for a snuggle.”

They practically fell through the door when they reached the apartment, hopelessly entangled, and happy to find that for the time being, at least, the place was all their own. Forcing herself out into the world outside of Estela’s embrace, Taylor tore off her outer layers of clothing. She frantically scrambled for a pen and tape, scrawled a note in bold letters, ‘DO NOT DISTURB”, and plastered it to her bedroom door. When she closed it behind her, Estela was already down to her underwear waiting upon the bed, offering the best ‘come hither’ expression she could muster whilst simultaneously shivering violently. Taylor couldn’t help but giggle, blissful in the face of the frozen, lonely hell that surrounded them, and she collapsed into her lover’s arms. This was them beating the odds. Winning.

“Don’t worry,” she said, pulling off her shirt and flinging it aside before pressing herself flush against Estela’s chest. “I’ll warm you up in no time.”


End file.
